I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize