your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
