sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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