did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
