This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
