"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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