Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
