I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
