So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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