You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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