Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
