im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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