We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
