not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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