tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
