girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
