week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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