what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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