Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
