I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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