You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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