She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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