Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
