3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
