i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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