I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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