apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
