sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
