The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
