Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
