wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
