Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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