Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just tell him i said nine months
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
