but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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