So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize