I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
