I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
