I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
