Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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