he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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