That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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