Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
