Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
