There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize