You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
