im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
