connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
