walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He did a backflip because drugs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
