the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
