dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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