so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
