you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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