no, he came in my armpit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
