if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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