Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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