): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
