Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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