I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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