Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
