bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
