Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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