I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
