There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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