She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
