Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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