I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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