I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
