I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
