Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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